woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So here I am, sexting at work.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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