I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
