Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
