Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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