yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
