There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
