She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
