If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
