@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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