I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Drunk is not a location!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
