i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
