I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
