one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
