I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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