cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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