so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
