i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
