idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
