so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
