Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
