i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
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finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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