I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
