I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
