3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
