i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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