so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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