I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
