I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
