I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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