This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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