I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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