You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
