I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and she was petting her beer can
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
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May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize