All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
