shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
