i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
