swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
