2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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