soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
