The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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