Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
