I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
