I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
