Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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