if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
