Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
