just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
