You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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