just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Randomize
