Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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