im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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