I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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