And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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