i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
