If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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