we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
