you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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