How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
