thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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