I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
