but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
