I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I supernannyed him into submission
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
