I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
