you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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