frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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