Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
