Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
