Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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