There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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