you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
