if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
