One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
