The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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