imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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