I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Buhtt sex?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
