found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also, beer. Big fan.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
