His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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