You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
