it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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