I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
