I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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