awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she smelled like a LAN party
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
