so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
