Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
