Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
