She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
