fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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